Breaks are nice. But eventually one has to get back to it.
My day job requires a bit of flexibility and for a time there I was assigned to a unit that was considerably taxing. I managed to get some writing done, but published very little here. Knowing that assignment would eventually end I embraced the opportunity for a rest.
And it’s been a nice one. As with any conditioning, say for instance, a few days at the gym, a good time off lets the muscles heal from the stresses placed on them. When you return you feel stronger and more energetic. The eventual return is a true test of what made you go in the first place, even with writing… maybe especially with writing. The brain is a muscle, indeed. It seems I’ve passed that test. Should I have returned to my computer and decided maybe I didn’t want to write just then, I would have needed to re-asses what in the fuckity-fuck I’ve been doing this for.
At any rate, books are still being written, I still have stacks of half cocked unfinished articles and poorly worded ideas to work on for conditioning as I slowly peck away at the novels. I will get there at my own rate. Change is good, and it’s important to remember to do it from time to time to stay ahead of the constant entropy that is life. Mental health has improved I believe, a few articles on that are on the way.
New shit.
I did however re-discover an old love of mine. A hobby, let’s say. What a joy it’s been, toiling away in my basement shop on it.
Oh… the reader doesn’t get to know what it is quite yet. It’s better that way. Instead think of that old thing that you loved, the thing you enjoyed and then set down. You loved and cherished every moment with it but it wasn’t right for the time. Maybe life dragged you away without a proper goodbye. What “it” is matters less, the more important feeling is the love and interest you have to give it. Think about that thing. Perhaps other’s judge you for it, perhaps it’s too complicated for them? That’s fine… for them.
I know I need it. I need it for my own growth and mental well being. You need yours as well. I’m sure thinking about it brings up that twang of anxiety deep in the back of your head, the feeling of words and actions left unsaid and undone, the possibilities you had imagined never realized.
With my own clarity improving I’ve realized I can hold on to those things with a tighter grasp. I don’t need the input of others to drive me to enjoy or improve at them. The thing is mine alone, as yours is, too. I can work on it for hours or I can work for five minutes, and return days later right where I left off. Such actions are like thoughts. Amazing how if you better organize your mental space, the physical can follow suit.
I invite you to return to your own. See what lies there waiting that you forgot you had.
The state of the world.
No, not the real world. Who want’s to worry about that madness? Other than gasoline prices and frustration of over the Idiocracy that governs us there’s just not much of it that effects my day to day life, so there is no desire to invite that extra stress. I can’t change what happens far way but I can change the channel and stop it from wasting my time and emotional energy. I find the best attitude is to hold out for the rare cases in which I can contribute positive change.
No, I mean this platform. I did indeed continue scrolling the wasteland of this platform while I was sitting on my ass. We’re all here in this tiny bubble filled with writers and readers just trying to make it… oh, and bots. It sure is a strange little bubble, isn’t it. After reading my feed for a few minutes I have to return to my articles on the rules of the internet to level me back out. I need to remember that most voices and curation here aren’t actually here for the promotion of intelligent discourse. Rather they exist to drive profit in some direction… usually their own. They must be failing, otherwise the simulated pressure to engage wouldn’t be increasing so fast. Good, hah!
As more time passes here, what I find rewarding more and more is is not reading the mindless trash thrown across my feed everyday. Sensationalism, the total lack of merit, AI cheats, journalism students with scantily clad profile pictures whinging on and on about their directionless emotions and sexual urges, buzz words, rage bait… In fact it’s all just bait, really. Bait for me and you, the fishes who will spend our precious time and maybe hard earned money for that teensy dopamine hit of seeing something we agree with, or imbibing in something that tickles our little fuzzy feelings. I don’t do that. The internet and this platform are a mental buffet of every fattening fast food imaginable and I have no desire to taste any of it. Hunger is good. I’ll stick to my metered diet of close friends here writing their poetry, dark horror, cooking recipes and gardening tips. God or whoever, bless those people, keep them writing. Ashmore says go darker. Challenge accepted.
What a wild time to be involved, though. I think those modern philosophizers are right. The singularity is indeed coming, but it sure as fuck isn’t going to look like anything we imagined.
The way forward.
As they say, “The only way out is through.” But, that’s only if you want out. I just want to go farther in. Deeper and deeper, until it satisfies me. I want to see what’s going on all the way in there, farther down the rabbit hole. So I’ll be going through. Pardon me.